That Moment When You Cry To Your Boss.

I went to work today with the shirt my husband wore the day before he deployed.

I have the most trouble in the morning, leaving my house. I don’t want to leave. I like being home where things remind me of him.

I love that our bed still smells like him. Eventually, his lingering smell and little things he left places are going to be gone. I’m going to clean the sheets, and pick up his boots, etc. I’m going to have to figure out a way to cope with that.

I’m not there yet, though. Here’s where I’m at today… My boss came up to me, I don’t remember what she had to say but she looked at me for a second. A second too long. I lost it bawling.

She just kept asking me “What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” and I just kept on bawling.

… so, that was cool.

Not.

Today. Freaking. Sucked.

Goodbyes are hard. Period.

He’s gone. He left this morning for an undisclosed amount of time spent training before he leaves for Afghanistan. I know that I get to see him one more time before he’s out of reach so in a strange way, I’m doing okay, yet I’m still a hysterical mess.

My friends who are dating soldiers/marines and understand the heaviness of “see you later” , surprised me at my house when I got home with a craft-day and lots of food and wine! They’re pretty amazing.

Image

Our art projects!

I don’t even know what to say about him leaving. This morning was tough. They kept stringing us along. “One extra hour with your families”… 15 minutes later… “Actually, the buses are going to be late. You have another two hours.” …. 10 minutes later… “Buses are loading in FIVE minutes. Say your goodbyes!” LIKE WHAT!? Stop messing with my emotions, Army!

I miss him so much but this is just the beginning. I will get stronger… eventually. I know it.